so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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