There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
