Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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