last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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