I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
