babies were throwing up all over the place
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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