capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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