u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
