i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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