i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
