He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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