The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
