I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
