Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
