So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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