Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
