I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
