why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
