You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
