I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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