On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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