hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
