and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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