I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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