you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
