and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Pooping to opera.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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