Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
