I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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