office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
