Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Panties = found
Randomize
