The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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