i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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