My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
