You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
