the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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