I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
