His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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