I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
