YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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