I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
