Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
