I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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