I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
