so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
