bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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