i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
