I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We named our party play list daddy issues
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Randomize
