I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
