sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
