I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
